A Eulogy for My Father

Photo by Hamza Dildar on Unsplash

This is the eulogy I wrote for my father, my Dad. It’s nearly impossible to capture the essence of a life in just a few paragraphs. Inevitably, some of the quirks get left out: the way he tapped his ring on a wooden table instead of laughing, the corny movie lines he’d slip into everyday conversation, his love of Westerns, his obsession with irritating my mom. I did my best to honor him with these words. Writing it felt like finishing a marathon or giving birth. It felt uncanny and sacred. I didn’t cry, though. I treated it like a job. At first, I wanted to write it with him, but by the end he couldn’t quite find the words. Still, I tried.

I tossed the last of the funeral flowers this week. Somehow, it felt like the right moment to let these words go too. So here is my attempt to give his life the spotlight it deserves. I hope you like him.

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Randy would do anything for a slice of pie or breakfast. He would gladly help anyone, and he never asked for anything in return. You didn’t have to perform or pretend for him. He had an easy way about him that made people feel safe to share, debate, or joke around. Randy possessed a quiet, measured wisdom and was content to sit in silence with almost anyone. However, if quiet for too long, he would most definitely fall asleep.

Randy was the baby of the family with four older brothers and sisters. Dale, Gerald, Mari, and Deb. He was born to Marjorie and Walter Burns in Robertson County, Kentucky, on September 11, 1952, and was delivered by his father. The Burns family moved to Saint Louis in 1956. He grew up in Maplewood, Missouri, and graduated from the high school. His childhood, in his words, was “full of baseball, countless books, track & field, football, music, and family.” He cheerfully added with a smirk, “And if the doors to the church were open, we were there.”

Randy was a man of steadfast faith, a devoted Christian who loved God deeply and lived out that love through kindness, hospitality, and a heart that welcomed everyone in. He believed that no one should ever feel like a stranger, and if you crossed his path, you were family from that day forward. These beliefs are reflected in his life mission. He said his goal was to always be “winsome in order to win some.” He told us all our lives to look and wait for opportunities to reach people. His education complemented his passion for evangelism. When called into ministry, he attended seminary, where he studied Greek for two years at Concordia Seminary and earned a Master's degree in Religious Education. Eventually, he began teaching at North County Christian School while serving as the Youth Pastor at Webster Groves Church of the Nazarene. He was a reader, writer, and lifelong learner. Any chance he got, he would remind his daughters that “Knowledge is power,” and he meant it.

Randy was open-hearted and intentional in all things– modeled through his relationship with his wife, Barbara, and in raising his daughters, Emily and Molly. He said he strived to be “a person of value” in any place, whether he was volunteering or not. He added immense value to the lives of the senior citizens Sunday school class he has dutifully taught for the past several years, affectionately called “the master class” by his students. And he seized any opportunity to witness to riders who got into his Uber. His signature red coffee mugs that said “So loved” were readily available, just in case someone might need some encouragement and a little Jesus. He was permanently poised for a conversation where he could share his insights on the greatest love of his life.

He cherished his children and grandchildren, wrote poetry, admired art, and made us suffer through hours of bluegrass. He enjoyed hunting, fishing, pancake Saturdays, black coffee, fireside chats, and most importantly, his wife. He loved Barbara every day of his life except every year on April Fools, when she meant nothing to him, and somehow she found a way to play some ridiculous prank. If you know Barb, you know some of these stories. And if you’ve been around long enough, she’s likely got you, too. Barb and Randy enjoyed 44 years of marriage, with no regrets. They were best friends and complemented each other perfectly. Married on July 25th, 1981. As Randy fondly called it, Christmas in July.

Randy always said, “Attitude determines outcome.” Even after his 13-year battle with cancer, countless surgeries, and two car-jackings, he remained positive, compassionate, and giving. It’s a testament to his faith in God and his commitment to holy goodness. I feel so grateful to have been his daughter. He gave me a loving and safe home base, a welcoming shoulder to cry on, and, with my mom, built a home where we could ask questions and be our full selves. His faith anchored him, his kindness defined him, and his love for his family was the joy of his life.

When preparing to write this eulogy, I was hoping to write with my Dad. I asked him if he had any last words for the people who would be present at his funeral. He thought for a moment and said, clear-eyed and with fervor, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and body. Love your neighbor as yourself. If you do those things, God will bless it. Look and wait for opportunities to reach people. We are vessels–be aware. We have this treasure in jars of clay.”